OkCupid - Missed Memo

Compliments. We've talked about them before and yet here we are discussing them again. Compliments are nice. I like them. Tell me something new though. I want to have an actual conversation because I am not on these dating apps looking for a hook up. Thankfully this guy got the memo.

OkCupid - High Expectations

I deal with plenty of different people on a daily basis due to my work and the fact that I have friends who move in different social circles so I almost always meet someone new and have an interesting discussion with them. There are plenty of different background stories that people have about how they were raised and what they did in school. It always fascinates me but one thing is the same that they had some sort of drive to get to where they want to be and do what they want. Yet on the OkCupid app, I found someone with none of that.

OkCupid - I'm a Traveler

So a username can be pretty telling for a person. I mean, I know that I didn't exactly know that I couldn't change my username later on when I first signed up but I was smart enough to at least make it something not ridiculous. So when your username includes "noplease" I'm not quite sure what to make of that nonsense. What exactly are you trying to politely say no to?

OkCupid - No You May Not

Is it me? Is there something I am doing wrong to collect these men who are far older than myself? I am just not understanding it one bit. There is nothing in my profile that says I am interested in older men or becoming a gold digger. Yet here we go again, but this one thinks we can be friends?

OkCupid - Google Search

I know that pick up lines have become a joke nowadays due to the fact that they usually are pretty ridiculous sounding and no one really falls for them unless they are completely intoxicated or they just don't give a shit because the person saying the line is attractive. Either way on a dating app when I get a pick up line as a message I start to wonder how many other people it has been used on and whether or not it's been successful in helping the guy get a girl to talk to him.

OkCupid - Good Guy and Good Vibes

I'm sorry, but when someone tells me that they are a "good guy" that is an automatic turn off. I guess I've seen and heard that phrase used far too many times by guys who are just acting pathetic because they were the "good guy" and shouldn't have been dumped by a girl. Or they were put in the made up "friend zone" which is something I've only heard guys complain about, never a girl. Anyways, what do I say to the guy who's username literally contains "goodguy"?

Coffee Meets Bagel - I Think I Broke It

As you now know I've had a handful of connections of Coffee Meets Bagel and only a few actual conversations with the people who I've actually matched with but it would seem that I have now broken the app.

OkCupid - This is Trouble?

All the first messages seem to be getting better and better. Or perhaps it is worse. I am not quite sure. I mean, at this point nothing tops the Make Donald Drumpf Again conversation because I thought that was quite entertaining. However it seems the older men are at it again.

Coffee Meets Bagel - So Close Yet So Far

As I said before I haven't had much luck with Coffee Meets Bagel. A handful of matches and some conversations that eventually just die after a few exchanged messages. I could practically keep a conversation with a wall if needed but come on now guys, you have to give me something to work it. You have to be more interesting than a wall. Thankfully it seems one guy can actually keep up.

OkCupid - You Like Irish Guys

I'm in Vegas so I know plenty of people are only in town for the weekend or sometimes even for a day trip. If they happen to stay longer than a weekend then kudos to them and I hope they have fun wile in town. Most of the guys who I see that say they are only in Vegas for the weekend or something along those lines I ignore because honestly, what's the point? I know they just want me to meet up with them at the club and hook up. I'm not stupid and that's not what I'm about. But what do you do for the guy who thinks he's a tall Irish guy?

OkCupid - You Hurt Me

We've established at this point that apparently sending the first message is hard. This is something that most all the guys on OkCupid seem to struggle with. When I get something that literally hurts my head to read I'm not quite sure what I did to deserve this pain. I mean, I think I'm a good person so this needs to stop. Please don't let this happen again.

Clover - Don't Lie To Me

Writing a description about yourself on a dating app where you have free reign to write whatever you like can be tough. You don't want to say too much that someone just blows you off because of it or say too little because it makes it seem like you just want someone to know you for your looks. However if you're going to throw out numbers and percentages let me just say that is a turn off. Especially when it isn't at all accurate.

Coffee Meets Bagel Intro

Now we all know of Tinder and how it works so let's talk a bit about Coffee Meets Bagel. Think of it as Tinder but more, intense? No, that probably isn't the right word. It's more about a deeper connection I suppose than just seeing the face of hundreds of random people and swiping right or left depending on whether or not you find them attractive. You set your specifics of what you're looking for in regards to age, height, ethnicity, religion, and distance from where you live. Then you get one possible match every 24 hours. That's right, only one guy shows up every 24 hours. Let's break it down as to why this is.

OkCupid - Not the One I Want

Listen, I am not that old. I promise. There are plenty of strangers I've met who think I'm younger than I actually am and yet for some reason I keep attracting these men who are well in their 40's. Once more they aren't attractive enough for me to want to become a gold digger. On top of that they have kids, it says so right on their profile, and I'm 100% sure that their kids are close to my age and wouldn't like the idea of their father dating someone their age. Even I am horrified by such a thought. Dad, if you ever somehow discover this I promise that if you ever divorce mom and start dating a girl as young as I am I will quickly end that relationship for you and kick you off of all social media so won't be such a creep. Anyways, back to the fun older men!

OkCupid - He Lost His Smile

I get a lot of random messages on OkCupid, which I'm sure you've noticed by now. I have such a hard time at this point keeping up with the app because just about anyone can message me and honestly I do try to search through the messages and at least read them before deciding if I want to respond or ignore it. Sometimes the app won't let me go back to see my messages unless I click to view the guy's profile, as if it wants me to tell the dude I looked at him and then didn't respond. Thanks a lot OkCupid! Anyways, I don't know what to tell you about this guy other than he lost his smile so help him find it.

OkCupid - That's Not How It Works

Talking about kids is a little weird, right? I mean, that's not something I would bring up in my first message or even in conversation with someone who I've just met. I mean, it's one thing to mention later that you have kids when dating but most profiles have pictures of the guys with kids and they explicitly state whether the kid in the photos are their own or nieces/nephews. However, please don't have your first message to me be about us having kids.

Bumble - Reading Is Important

Being in Vegas means lots of matches from people who want to just hook up or have you come out to the club. I know this, which is why I explicitly put in my profile "Not here for hookups or to go to the club" so that should keep things simple, right? Apparently not. Also bumble requires the girl to message first so some guys really aren't off to a great start.

OkCupid - My Answer Is No

So Robert, who seemed pretty chill, started a conversation with me on the app. He was into hiking and the outdoors so that was something we had in common. He mentioned going on a hike and I figured we could meet up. He had been easy enough to converse with and went along with my humor easily, but little did I know what would happen when we got together.

Clover - Grandpa's Netflix and Chill?

As you can probably tell at this point there isn't too much happening on Clover for me. I mean, lots of guys like me and I slowly sort through them deciding whether to delete them or like them back, but then conversations just don't happen. I'll stick to my old fashion ways of letting the guy talk to me first because that doesn't bother me one bit. However, while sorting through the list of guys who like me I was slightly disturbed by the Roy who showed up.

OkCupid - Sorry

Remember my first OkCupid post where I said

Now my other favorite message thus far is from a man who is well into his 30's who wrote, and I quote, "Hi gorgeous i defontly like to get to know u if ur interested". Perhaps I am just too much of a grammar nazi but that literally burned my eyes for a moment. I get chat speak but that's for teenagers. I'm currently thinking of a nicely worded comeback regarding his inability to spell.

Now there's more.

Clover - Badges and Mixers Are Signs

I mentioned before that Clover had badges and that I would explain them later so I'm about to do that here. Also, I'll talk more about why I have barely any stories about guys on Clover although it's mostly because none message me or can keep a conversation going. Remember everyone, calling someone pretty isn't going to make conversation start flowing or make people like you.

OkCupid - 99 Problems But You Ain't One

Conversation starters are hard apparently. I am starting to realize this on OkCupid since random guys keep messaging me even though we aren't a match and I haven't liked them back. Can't they take a hint? Or maybe just start the conversation about something we have in common? Then there's this loser who thought he was being funny starting off with what he considered a joke.

OkCupid - Crushed Hopes and Dreams

So I guess disabling your account is something that is possible. I've noticed with a few of my messages on OkCupid that when I open them they state that the user has disabled their account so of course I can't message back. I don't know why one would do that if they literally just started messaging someone but hey, what do I know? Anyways, I just love to think highly of myself and that maybe I'm the reason the guy below disabled their account.

OkCupid - Sushiboy

I have a cool photo of me with some sushi that I made at a sushi academy. That's pretty legit right? I think so and that's what matters. Either way I imagine someone to ask me if I like sushi or ask if I would make them some because they think they're being cute or funny. That would be fine, but instead I got the following message.

OkCupid - Ugh

All I can say is that below the cut there are weird and amusing conversations. You've been warned.

OkCupid - Your Mom

Look, just start a conversation with me. It isn't that hard. There's enough on my profile for you to ask something about me. I know that because I wrote it and if you can't come up with something then it isn't going to last considering we have to actually have a conversation. I do need to get to know you. Let's look into the recent blunder of messages.

OkCupid - Make Donald Drumpf Again

I'm 99.8% sure, which is an A+, that you shouldn't start off a conversation talking about politics. I mean, you don't really even know a person or what their beliefs are. This presidential election year is such a mess that any talk of it immediately can become an argument because let's be real, it's a shit storm. So when I got the message "Make America Great Again" from some no faced stranger I just had to see what was going on.

OkCupid - Gin

Ever have a lame marriage proposal as the first message that you receive from some stranger? Yeah, I only remember that happening while traveling in Turkey. There were some shop keepers who compared me to J. Lo, the Spice Girls, and a few tried to propose marriage. I'm certain they were just bored and killing time while also having a bit of fun with a tourist but still, this is just weird in a dating app.

OkCupid - Abhi

Compliments are nice. I like to think I know how to take a compliment, especially when someone is being honest, but that's a bit hard in the dating world isn't it? Doesn't every guy mention something along the lines of "you're beautiful and I would love to get to know you inside and out" because it never hurts to start with a compliment? Let's just say I've gotten a few of the complimentary starts in conversations but honestly it's a bit confusing. What do you expect me to say? Something like "Wow! I've never heard that before! You sure are great at judging me based off my looks! Too bad you don't actually look great." Time to see what happens with this Abhi guy.

OkCupid - Voo Update

For Eddie. You wanted an outline of the meet up so here you go.

Clover - JDC

It looks like OkCupid isn't the only place that has some older men stalking me. You know who I'm talking about. So with Clover you can see who likes you and scroll through that list and delete people or like them back in order to create a match. I legit lost track of how many people liked me but I know it's over 100 because I earned a badge for it? I'll talk about those badges later because this post is about one JDC. Now JDC popped up in my "likes you" list so I of course clicked his picture to gather more information. Then things got worse.