Coffee Meets Bagel - 2 Inch Pipe

I'm not exactly swiping on the apps because it's the holidays. Plenty of people are traveling so I'm not going to bother wasting my time on someone who I'll likely never meet or even see even after a FaceTime date. I hope you all had a Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday season in general but it seems so fake and weird during everything that's happening. Anyway, I do have a profile from someone who liked me on an app! Surprising, but not so much considering of course the guy is shorter than me. Anyway, today I have an interesting profile to share with you so let's get to it!

So the fact that Ted is a plumber doesn't really make or break things for me about him to be honest. I know he probably will keep very busy with work and make plenty of money from it because people will always need a plumber. Don't get me wrong, I know plenty of people can figure out quick little fixes but when something major happens, well you need a professional. The part that throws me off is that he says he's laying pipe even if it's only 2 inches at a time. So of course because I was confused I decided to look it up on Urban Dictionary. From what the definitions said it means having sex. Which great, Ted has informed us he keeps busy with his 2 inch pipe. I don't know if we want to consider this an accomplishment or not. We'll circle back to it later.

How did Ted manage to mess up his age on the dating app? He's listed as 29 but claims he's 33 not 28. I wonder if that means he hasn't updated his profile in a while, or at least a year. That would make some sense considering I've come across deleted profiles. It just bothers me when guys say their age is messed up in their profile because it means they messed up or did it on purpose. It just seems sketchy to me altogether. Plenty of people are moving to Vegas from other states but I am curious what led him on his journey from Georgia to Texas... Then again I think I just want to poke some fun at him for how the Georgia Bulldogs are doing this season or just in general.

I don't really play pool but I think my dad would kick Ted's butt at it. Just to prove him wrong. Does Ted think he has a lot to brag about by saying he went to Mexico, the Bahamas, Grand Cayman, and Jamaica? It just sounds like he went on a cruise if I'm being honest. Granted I know that sounds really rude to say but come on, if you say you love random road trips where do you like to go? What have you done? Do you solo it or go with friends? Give me more information to work off of! It just makes you sound boring to me. 

Ted, if your girlfriend is farting on you while she's the little spoon either she's just messing with you or you just suck. I don't know an easier way to explain this to you. Either way Ted is just boring me with all of this. He's not saying anything that would strike the meaningful conversation he so desires nor is he showing that he's a fool who has earned my laughter.

What do you all think of Ted and laying his 2 inch pipe? Is he impressive to you or just another one of those idiots who gets on the dating app and really thinks they're something and is so clever and witty that women just won't be able to resist him? Let me know what you think in the comments down below. (: