Wow. It's been a minute since my last post. I would apologize, but 🤷 life. I think that's a good enough excuse. Plus I haven't been swiping on the apps as much just because it's been too tedious and I have been busy with work so no time to entertain trying to plan dates or replying to stupid messages. You know the ones I'm talking about. Maybe I'll start swiping more now that I have a bestie who is also currently swiping and it's fun to have someone to talk about these crazy profiles with. Anyway, let's get on to today's post. I was hanging out with a friend and met a friend of hers. We spoke for maybe ten minutes before I left. A week later she informed me that he wanted to ask me out. Shocking, I know. Let's get to it.
So with this post there's no dating profile to show off but even if there was one I don't think it would be worthwhile. Let me start from the beginning. I was hanging out with a friend who for the sake of this post we'll call Precious. Precious and I were chatting and venting about work when she mentioned that she had friends coming over and they were going to head out to some bar. I was already done for the night so I declined the invitation to join. That's when Dylan showed up and somehow he just decided that was the perfect time to tell me about himself.
I couldn't even leave because he just thought that I needed to hear part of his life story and Precious was more than eager to entertain it for the sake of having some fun. I'm going to say Dylan is about my height, although he probably thinks he is taller, and you can tell he is trying to be a gym rat. He showed up in workout shorts, t-shirt, and had on a stupid pair of knee high athletic socks. Sorry, but in my opinion he was just trying too hard. Who goes to the bar dressed like that? He shared that he was big into fitness because he used to be like 300 pounds. Dylan lost a lot of weight so now fitness is his whole identity as far as I can tell. I told him "good for you" because I meant it. I'm happy for anyone who decides to work on themselves.
Dylan then starts to tell me his life story. He grew up Mormon but then decided the church wasn't for him. He got together with a girl and they ended up having a kid. (For those of you who don't know premarital sex is a big NO NO in the Mormon church) Dylan has had suicidal thoughts and depression and ended up losing custody of his kid to the mom. In my humble opinion that seems fair and like the best environment for the kid to be in.
That's when Dylan started mentioning wanting to date again. But he wants his partner to also be Mormon. I asked if he was Mormon and he said yes. I questioned how he was Mormon if he drank alcohol and smoked (the tell tale signs of a non-Mormon). Dylan tried to explain that even though he did those things that were against the religion he still saw himself as a Mormon. He also said that he felt that in order to have a successful relationship God had to be at the center of it and that was why his first relationship didn't work because they both weren't following the rules.
I called him out on his hypocrisy because how is he going to say that a relationship needs to follow the teachings of a church but he currently doesn't follow the teachings? He just laughed me off but I was being serious. Sorry, but that doesn't make any sense to me. It's almost like he wants to blame the mom of his kid for their relationship not working but as we all know it takes two to tango. I asked what he did for work and he just shrugged the question off, instead ranting and complaining about another friend who was apparently coming over as well to head to the bar. I ended up leaving Precious' thinking that Dylan was just plain weird. I had no intention of staying to watch whatever chaos happened between the group who went to the bar and I'm glad that I didn't go. I thought that was the last of Dylan but I was wrong.
I went with Precious and some of her friends to go swimming. Dylan ended up being there. For whatever reason everyone wanted to play "Fuck, marry, kill" and I was presented with the options of Dylan, Precious' boyfriend, or another guy. I chose Precious' boyfriend to fuck and marry because he was the only guy I knew and I said as much. Apparently that lit the flame for Dylan to suddenly be in love with me because I said I would kill him. Who said romance was dead?
A couple days later Precious sent me some of Dylan's tiktok's where he's like working out and zooming the camera in on his face/eyes saying how he's the best and no one is on his level. I would link them but sadly the videos have been deleted. You're welcome everyone for saving you from the horror. Precious told me that he confided in her that he wanted to go hiking with me. Apparently he wants me to kill him on the trail. We both couldn't stop laughing and she said I should go on a date with him for the sake of the blog. I don't think I can do it though. I don't think I could get paid enough to go on a date with him.
What do you all think? Does Dylan even spark your interest? Would it even be worth going on a date with him? I honestly don't think it would be worth my suffering but I'm curious what you all think about him! Let me know in the comments below.
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