Saturday, February 18, 2017

Tinder - No Intelligence Required

If I'm being honest I haven't been on Tinder as much lately but only because I keep getting guys who are only in town for the weekend or just looking for a hookup while they wait for their flight home. That just isn't me or what I'm using the app for. However when I did decide to brave it and see what the app would give me I got a slightly confusing profile. Just remember, there is no intelligence required which will help make this somehow more easy to understand.

Now let's break this all down bit by bit in order to try and make it less confusing because I may have lied about intelligence not being required. I had to use a bit of brain power in order to make sense of this all so let me help everyone out. To start off with we're going to call this guy Doug, just to make things easier. Here we go.

Doug is off to a bad start with me after reading less than 7 words. I get using a period after one word because it’s sort of a trend thing to quickly state what you are into and what you do. That’s fine. Suddenly switched and adding in commas to pretend to make a sentence is not fine. It should be “Fuku car meets, MMA, and work” my friend. Please fix it ASAP.

Either way he either likes hiking at Red Rock or enjoys the view at Red Rock. He’s super into his body as well with MMA, yoga, and the gym. I’m assuming I can add in his spiritual side with meditation. That’s fine. You do you Doug. I’m glad you have your priorities. Saying that science is greater than theism is a bit condescending though isn’t it? Maybe it’s just me but you could just say you’re an atheist instead of trying to act like you’re super smart because you put all your stock in science.

Doug admits he rarely checks the app, which is normal for a lot of people at this point. There are plenty of ghosts on there because people delete the app or just don’t use it anymore. But to then say it’s mostly spam and the few people who do talk are boring makes me wonder a bit. Do you even talk Doug? Are you boring? Or are you spam? I just don’t know.

Is Doug saying that men are not intelligent? Did he just try to generalize it for everyone? I’m tempted to start saying, “Yeah well Doug said men are not intelligent so they can’t have an intelligent conversation.” That would be the end of a discussion right then and there wouldn’t it? Why wouldn’t a guy be required to bring both intelligence and flirting to the table? Honestly Doug if I wanted to spend time with someone who wasn’t smart and wouldn’t flirt with me I’d rather spend time with Netflix or maybe even a dog. Netflix has amazing documentaries and a dog would never stop wanting my attention. That sounds much more enjoyable.

What does it mean when someone says “life is my humor, get over yourself” because I know that sometimes you have to look at things that happen in your life and laugh about it but why does that mean I have to get over myself? Should I only be focusing on laughing about others? Anyone have a clue to lead me in the right direction?

Ah yes, because you’re so fancy with your science Doug it would seem that the universe doesn’t give a fuck about me. That’s fine. I obviously care about myself and have close friends and family members who care. That’s what matters to me. I take it you don’t care much about anything Doug since science can’t love you.

How are dogs children for broken people? Please explain this Doug. Do you mean people who can’t have kids because I’m sure that is true in some instances. Or do you mean people who are physically broken? Service dogs are important and are more appealing than you’ll ever be at this point Doug. Even if you do mean emotionally broken people it’s probably because of some asshole like you Doug that people would rather spend time with a dog than someone like yourself. I don’t blame them one bit.

I am not a cat person but that doesn’t mean I think all cats are assholes nor do I think their owners are assholes. If you have a cat Doug I feel bad for it because it’s probably an asshole from having to deal with you. That makes the most sense. With your description of a dog why would you train your cat as a dog? Are you broken Doug? Wait, that’s a silly question. Of course you’re broken Doug. You have a lot of obvious issues from this dating profile alone. I wish you luck in trying to work through them and hope that science can help you in the best way possible. I'll go back to playing with a dog while watching Netflix.

What do you all think? Would you even be interested in swiping right on Doug? Is there anything appealing from his profile that make you interested or are you as turned off as I am? Let me know what you think of my analysis in the comments below. (:


  1. Ha I love your posts. Seems strange that he actually sat there and wrote it out... I would much rather have a dog than (well most things haha) but definitely more than having dinner with this guy.. wouldn't be an intelligent conversation anyway it seems lol! xxxxxxx

  2. Absolutely loved this post!! I think a dog would be more fun to hang out with! Your writing style is amazing! Can't wait to read more

  3. Loved this post! A dog for sure, I hate cats xxxxx

  4. Such a funny post :) Loved it :)

    Steph xx

    Steph’s World | Lifestyle Blog |

  5. Was this guy drunk / high whilst writing his profile?? Hahah! I completely agree with you, what does being a man have to do with not flirting / being intelligent? Last time I checked, either sex was equally capable of intelligent conversation! I love my dogs so if that makes me a broken person, so be it!

    Abbey 😘

  6. Oh I do love reading about your experiences and thoughts! I'm also saying a dog!


  7. Haha this is such a crazy description for a profile!

  8. This post made me laugh I loved it! Always a little strange people on tinder!

  9. I've never used Tinder but this post is SO funny, haha!


  10. Definitely made me laugh! First post I've read of yours and I'm ready to read more, think tinder experience posts are becoming a favourite since I relate so much!

  11. So a dog would most definitely be more fun than this guy.... Heck, I think a toad would be more fun than him!! I love these posts of yours! They are so fun to read, I can live this tinder thing through you haha.

    Jordanne ||

  12. Haha your posts never fail to make me giggle. Your righting style is great! I think I would be just as put off

    Tasha x

  13. I love your posts, they never fail to make me smile!! Great post once again !

    Love, Melissa x

  14. Your dissection of this profile was too entertaining! I saw you post this photo on insta, and was so confused by his bio. I would never swipe right on Doug unless it was to mess with him, and let him explain his condescending and off bio. xxx

    Melina /

  15. I've never used tinder so find your posts so funny! Think a dog would have been a better company.

    Tania ||

  16. Haha! Gosh, he must be fun at parties...

  17. Maybe Doug needs a hobby that he enjoys. Sounds like his life is draining all the energy and happiness from him. Oh, Doug.

    The Crimson Cardigan

  18. He has a cat that's trained as a dog? What the hell. I'm a cat person and this infuriates me. Let the kitty be a kitty.

    I can imagine you stumble across some strange people! What goes on in their heads? And you're totally spot on: What makes them thing that would be a good description anyway?

    Keep up the fab posts
    I love reading about the people you come across!

    Charlene McElhinney

  19. Not going to lie, he sounds like a total dick. I'm massively into fitness myself and I enjoy other things in life but he sounds incredibly dull. What a catch!

    Sian x

  20. I think it's because of all these reasons Doug has imposed is why he is still single :') the loser at the end of the day is him. xo

  21. hahaha this is so funny!!! Doug clearly doesn't understand the best way to get a girlfriend *insert eye roll emoji* and I hope you swiped left, immediately

  22. Hey, how dare Doug say such thing about cats. Cats are lovely and I'm a cat person. I'd swipe left if I we're you but this is too funny! LOL thanks, Doug

    Sophia x