Saturday, April 29, 2017

Bumble - Girls With Daddy

I get it, filling out profiles on a dating app can be hard. Sometimes you aren't sure what to share in order to convey who you are and what you are all about. Last week we had the pathological liar who was easy to figure out but this week is a little more confusing. There's a fine line between being funny and being serious that is hard to tread when it comes to having someone read it. Talking in person would be a bit easier considering there is tone and expression to work with. Today I have Ryan who slowly falls off the line and into a pit.

Ryan is a fire fighter, which is cool, but I don't think attending Hogwarts helped him earn the certifications needed to become a fire fighter. It makes me wonder if he just wants to show the world that he is a Potterhead or that he didn't attend a school that he is very proud of. The latter part is what concerns me. I have met plenty of people who don't want to share their education background because they're embarrassed by it and would rather just say their degree. Is there anything to be ashamed of when it comes to having a degree? Last I checked a degree is a degree no matter where you are.

All of his symbols in his info just scream "HARRY POTTER IS MY LIFE" and also makes me wonder how long it took to get those symbols to copy and paste in his bio. I'm certain they aren't in the usual characters on a phone keyboard. Or maybe they are. Does Harry Potter have a special keyboard for people to use to access those symbols? Now I'm going to have to look it up.

He sadly fails my height test since he is shorter than me at 5'9" but I'm not quite sure why he's wearing seven inch heels to be 6'4" because where does one even find seven inch heels? Surely it can't be that easy to find them in his size or maybe it is. I have enough trouble as it is to find heels in my own shoe size that aren't completely ridiculous looking but to get seven inches must have taken a lot of work to find. I'm not quite sure about the measurement of 8'6" in stilts because that makes me wonder if he is a clown of some sort. The last time I saw someone in stilts they were a clown. Does Ryan wear the stilts to act like a clown to feel closer to being a wizard? We may never know.

I love Tamagotchi and am actually quite excited for them to make a comeback. I think it's funny he said he is a single parent to a Tamagotchi although I have to question how he kept his alive for so long. I remember I had mine run away once when I'd barely left it alone for a day thanks to a quick day trip. I was devastated at the time of course but such is life.

You don't have to say you're a Harry Potter fan Ryan. I get it from your education, the first line of your bio, and now another line. I guess you aren't sure if people can pick up the hints. Are you trying to test and see who the muggles are because you're so brilliant? I'm sure that you gave Moaning Myrtle her nickname at this point because you were so annoying with your love of Harry Potter even she couldn't take it anymore. Congrats Ryan. That's the fourth Harry Potter reference.

Winning the beauty contest in Monopoly could be funny except almost everyone has drawn that card before so it doesn't mean much of anything. I'm also fairly certain that there is no such thing as a professional pillow fighter. Let me Google it. Ok, what I found is from 2010 and 2007 with some videos of a league up on Canada. That to me means it isn't really much of a thing anymore and it didn't mean much back then. 

I don't know how to take the fact that he says he isn't a player but he does crush a lot. Either that means he just moves on from girl to girl, which isn't exactly a player, or he just crushes on lots of girls and ends up cheating on the girl he is with. Of course the cheating part sounds worse to me but it still in't something I know how to respond to. What would you make of it? For me it's a turn off either way. I'm curious as to why he felt the need to share that. 

Last but not least comes the most confusing bit. He's looking for girls with daddy? What does that even mean? I hope most girls still have their father in their life and if not I'm very sorry for their loss. There are those instances of unsupportive father's who aren't in a girl's life at all which means the girl probably doesn't want him there anyway. Maybe Ryan was trying to say he's looking for girls with daddy issues? Or a daddy complex? Wait! That's it. Ryan wants to be a father! He wants to get a girl pregnant so he can be called daddy. I think I've solved this issue. Much to my dismay (insert giant eye roll) I'm not the type of girl Ryan is looking for so I'm thinking I have to swipe left on him. I wish him luck in becoming a father though!

What do you all think? Is it a turn off to you when someone is trying to shove the fact that they love Harry Potter down your throat? Did you find anything in Ryan's profile funny or enlightening or were you just as bored as I was? I mean, if anything it was more fun to tear it to shreds here in this post because I want to share with all of you the ridiculous things I have to see and read with my own two eyes. Are any of you aware of why he's looking for girls with daddy? If I'm wrong please enlighten me! Let me know what you think of our Potterhead Ryan in the comments below. (:

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