Monday, April 11, 2016

OkCupid - My Answer Is No

So Robert, who seemed pretty chill, started a conversation with me on the app. He was into hiking and the outdoors so that was something we had in common. He mentioned going on a hike and I figured we could meet up. He had been easy enough to converse with and went along with my humor easily, but little did I know what would happen when we got together.

We met up to do a pretty chill and easy hike. I literally didn't even recognize him at first because he didn't quite look like his pictures. If anything he looked a bit better than he did in his pictures but he still wasn't what I expected. I showed up wearing shorts and a t-shirt because it's pretty hot here all ready but he was in jeans and a t-shirt. I felt over dressed or perhaps he was under dressed. We started our hike and were chatting and the conversation was more of story telling than anything else. He was telling me stories that included his gay mormon friend who was totally in love with him but was a one upper, which he hated, but the gay mormon friend loved him so much he would never lie to him in order to just impress him. I just thought, yeah I don't care for one uppers either. Little did I know...

We're hiking along and he's telling me injury stories. Broken bones, messed up ankle, and so on. That's fine. I have plenty of stories like that too. Except I can barely get a word or two in without him interrupting to tell some other story. Somehow we were talking about moose and I only spoke seven words about my encounter with a moose and he interrupts to state that they were super common in Alaska so it was no big deal. Then he went into his story about the moose at his window as he was a kid. Then there were a few previous girlfriends mentioned and the trips he took with them, which weren't even relevant to the conversation so I just didn't understand him bringing them up. Wait, he mentioned his parents having a cabin up in the mountains of Utah. Was he trying to say he could take me to a secluded place? I'm definitely not interested. Take those previous girlfriends up there if that sort of thing impresses them.

He asked about the dating app from a girl's perspective and I said there were lots of older men and lots of younger men who wanted to get cougars. I asked about the guy's perspective and he said that there is lots of messaging involved. I almost wanted to tell the poor boy that he should only message matches because other than that he is pretty much wasting his time. I've only talked to the guys who weren't good matches or up to my standards (criteria) for the sake of this fun social experiment and blog. You're welcome Hannah.

I would say that we got along well enough but we weren't really having a conversation, rather he was just telling a lot of stories and I was able to fit a few in. It was getting dark and so I suggested we start heading back because hiking in the dark would not be fun. We get back to my car and he starts telling more stories. It's all ready been more than an hour and I'm sort of over and done with things. It takes another 45 minutes before I finally say that I have to get going because I swear I couldn't get a word in between all of his stories that he kept reminding himself of to tell. Like he'd finish one and say "yeah, so then, hahaha, that reminds me" and start another story.

He goes for a hug but then weirdly like, rubs at my hips/waist as he is hugging me. Like what are you doing bro? Back off. I'm certain I gave him a dirty look. I get into my car and start it up but he's like in the way of me being able to shut my door. He almost starts another story but I sort of cut him off reminding him of his bed time, since he works a super early morning shift at 2am, and he looks at the time and agrees. He suggests going on a six mile hike to which I respond he could barely handle the one mile hike we did. He then brings up the fact that I was breathing while we were hiking. BREATHING. Yes, breathing is a thing I need to do. I am human and have lungs therefore I need air. He was the one who needed to stop and take a break a few times and would tell more stories while we were stopped. I called him out on that and he claimed it wouldn't be uphill and that I was the one who said we should turn around. Um, I was being smart saying we should head back so we didn't have to hike back in the dark. Also he hasn't been active or doing much for a few months so between the two of us I'm the one in shape. At one point during the hike he even said, "I am so out of shape." I just told him to think whatever helps him sleep at night and finally left.

I saw that I got a notification on the app and he messaged me saying he had fun and was asking me for my number. However after going over the hike with Char she immediately said I need to delete and block him, which just made me laugh. I suppose there's no easy way to let someone down in this dating game. I also just got a creepy vibe off of him from the experience. His face reminds me of a douche-bag who I briefly dated in college and a kid from high school who I'll call Poxey. Both of them are total losers and that's what Robert reminded me of. You don't need to talk to me about your house Robert, I'm not coming. Peace.

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